There’s a quiet pressure that comes with being a woman. An unspoken rule to always show up perfect. A trend that you must love yourself loudly and unapologetically. And that’s what self-love means today!
It has become some sort of taboo to admit that you don’t like what you see in the mirror. Social media is flooded with content on “body goals” and “body positivity.” You can’t scroll far before you stumble on a reel of a BBL body lifting dumbbells in the gym or a post trying to sell a product to fix the very body you claim is “tea.”
The Myth of Perfection
In all honesty, we see posts that flaunt toned abs and doubt our camera roll. Those perfect, crisp photos that scream picturesque; even the “self-love” captions leave you questioning your life choices.
Truthfully, no one has it all together, including people who show up picture-perfect. And this is because confidence is all about accepting yourself, flaws and all, constantly.
Self-love isn’t about pretending to be perfect. It is a slow process of showing your body and mind grace, without letting your insecurities get to you.
Self-love vs. Insecurity
How ironic that the society screams self-love but chooses filters when taking pictures, enhances body parts, and hides flaws constantly. While there is nothing wrong with how you choose to show up, it is okay to admit that beauty standards are silently being influenced by the “body positivity’ trends.
Funnily, there are people profiting from the insecurities of others. From diet teas and editing apps to organic skincare brands offering dark-skinned women bleaching products under the guise of “even skin tone.” The flat tummy craze is the most hilarious.
Furthermore, African culture adds a twist of “you are too skinny” and “try to lose some weight” to the pressure. You can’t actually build your confidence by standing in front of a mirror to measure your worth in comparison to someone else’s body.
What Self-love Looks Like
Self-love is not blind admiration or delusion. It’s accepting yourself through the honesty of who you are. Being kind to yourself despite your flaws will give room for both acceptance and growth.
Conversely, self-love is accepting the current version of you before you give yourself the chance to grow into a better version. It’s not denial per se; it’s kindness, a lifetime decision you make not to be sucked in by pressure.
The Fine Line Between Self-love and Self-Denial
However, there’s a misconception that self-love is ignoring your flaws and pretending to be perfect. Being aware of your imperfections and choosing to accept them or improve is self-love. Not acknowledging it is self-denial. Let’s be factual: when you lie about loving your body while starving it or altering it, that’s not body positivity; it’s toxic positivity.
Having a belief of suppressing emotions like sadness or fear is harmful; it can lead to low self-esteem, shame, and isolation. Optimism is healthy. It’s okay to process your feelings and seek a solution.
Balance
Self-love involves taking accountability for your well-being. Doing what’s right for your body and mind. Eat right, exercise, rest, and show up without shame. Rather than say, “I’m fat and ugly.” Tell your body, “I see you. I will take care of my health.” Don’t let your insecurities get the better part of you. When next you examine yourself, accept what you see and be intentional about self-care.
Daily Habits to Build Your Confidence
Confidence isn’t built overnight but through consistent, healthy habits.
- Be kind to your body—speak positive affirmations to your body, care for it, and express gratitude.
- Dress for your body—don’t wear clothes that don’t fit your body type. This will help you show up confidently in public without feigning self-acceptance. Also, stop saving outfits for the future; live in the moment.
- Curate your social media—representation matters. Follow people who look like you. People who have the same skin color, hair journey, body shape, and defects as you. It helps you accept beauty as diverse.
Other habits include:
- Setting small daily goals
- Surround yourself with positivity
- Exercise and rest well
- Be prepared for the challenge ahead.
Wear Your Confidence Daily
Confidence is wearing a bodycon without being ashamed of your arms. It’s wearing whatever outfit you wish to wear and not hiding your body in a bubu all the time. Confidence is not about being the center of attention in a room full of people but choosing peace over doubt.
