African men swear cooking is a woman’s duty. They dismiss it as nothing serious but find it demeaning when they are expected to do it.
If a question is raised about a woman’s role in the home, men readily join the conversation just to assign roles to each gender and make women understand their place in society.
Who cooks, does the dishes, cleans the house, and tends to the kids is their favorite thread.
Their point?
A man works hard to provide for the home. No other point is valid.
Some men are desperately clinging to traditional gender stereotypes.
They ask questions like, “What if your husband only eats freshly made food?”
They say things like, “It’s a woman’s duty; our mothers did it too.”
Is Cooking a Gender Role?
Cooking is not the real problem. There are people who genuinely love to cook as a way of expressing affection. The real issue is when it is regarded as an obligation. Appreciation goes out the window, and entitlement takes over like it is a woman’s factory setting.
That is when the argument shifts from cooking to power play in relationships.
Women believe that men benefit more from marriage, and men argue otherwise.
We joke about men who cannot boil water or cook noodles. Meanwhile, these are basic survival skills that every human should have. Mothers teach their daughters recipes and tell their sons to focus on their academics.
Girls grow up hearing things like, “Go and help your mother in the kitchen.”
Boys hear things like, “Let your sister do it.”
Nobody sees it as unfair treatment because “it is our culture.”
Years later, the girl child will grow to be an independent woman who might even make a living off her “homely” skills, while the boy grows into a man that runs to YouTube when he wants to cook a pack of noodles.
Social media makes it funnier. A woman can post the video of her husband washing dishes online, and everybody goes, “God, when!” Meanwhile, the wife that has been doing way more than that without a standing ovation, just because that is the role assigned to her by society.
If a woman should tweet, “I can’t cook every day for a man,” or “My man must be able to cook,” there will be hundreds of think pieces to oppose that post. Proverbs 31 will be flying around the timeline. Feminists will catch strays.
No matter how many times this conversation sparks up, it always circles back to the same question: Why is cooking a duty or an act of love but an act of sacrifice when a man does it?
The Unofficial Operations Manager
Most husbands see chores as the perks that come with marriage. There is a cooked meal, clean clothes, and a well-laid bed, all available when they need it. And this is why most of them go for the women that can offer the best services in most cases.
The script usually flips when the woman falls sick, travels, or works late and everything around the house is thrown in chaos. Suddenly, there is insurmountable work no one thought existed. The sink is filled with dirty dishes. Within a few days, the laundry basket becomes too small to contain dirty clothes. The fridge is dirty and empty at the same time. “What are we eating today?” is heard more often.
Someone has been carrying the mental load beyond just making breakfast and dinner. Someone has been keeping tabs on the gas before it runs out, keeping track of what everyone likes, and taking mental note of what the house needs before it finishes.
And this is proof that domestic labor isn’t just physical.
Ironically, men don’t think much about it not because they are incapable but because someone else has been doing it for them.
Some men are even good cooks, but they can’t “lower” themselves to doing chores. And their excuses remain culture and society.
Then there are women who claim they can’t allow their husbands to cook because it is the duty of a woman.
Read Also: “At Least He Provides”…The Statement Keeping Too Many Women Stuck
What most people forget is that relationships were never designed to keep score of who does more chores in the house. Ask a man to remember a grocery list, birthdays, school events, or important milestones, and he will remind you he has other “important things” occupying his mind. But a career woman is also a present parent.
Couples are supposed to support each other. However, everyone is allowed to do what works for them. Some couples enjoy traditional roles, while others prefer to split chores according to availability and willingness.
Some husbands cook better than their wives. Some wives hate to cook.
Every home has a rhythm. It only becomes a problem when responsibilities are dumped on one partner by default. Because if cooking is an act of care, then it shouldn’t have a gender. If someone doing the laundry every other week wants you to also partake in washing the clothes you wear, that shouldn’t be any problem.
It’s about reciprocity. It’s about partnership.
