I was on the bus one morning when a conversation about the economy segued into idleness and being a hard-working wife. These women talked about how they are used to waking up very early, both on weekdays and weekends. They talked about how they are never lazy and even managed to make it a tribal thing. One woman insisted one tribe is more hardworking than another and made reference to a man who married outside his tribe because they are hardworking people.
The entire conversation was mind-boggling for me because why did it end up being tribal, and why do older-generation Nigerian women think enduring hardship, stressing out, and not taking rest is the ultimate responsibility of womanhood? Like it’s a badge of honor.
The Fear of Being Idle
“I wake up at 3 o’clock every morning, even on Saturdays.”
“By the time I’m done with my house chores, that’s when a woman from a certain tribe is still stretching on her bed.”
“We work very hard where I come from.“
“A woman who does not work hard should be ready to lose her home.“
Have you noticed how much older women say these things? They mostly use it as key points when advising the younger generation, making rest feel like a crime.
They were raised on the philosophy that a woman is a homemaker and must shoulder the responsibilities around the house. You can’t be idle around them.
This is not to vilify homemakers or trivialize hard work. But constantly talking down on rest, and talking about taking care of the home, the children, having a full-time job, and catering to your husband says something. African women love to glorify stress and hardship. It’s familiar to them. It’s how they were raised and how they are raising their daughters.
Honestly, the lifestyle of “making do with what you have“ is responsible for this habit. Life in the rural areas where they are raised, getting married, and having to depend on few resources make them believe that outsourcing chores, planning your schedule, taking proper rest, sleeping well, and inculcating a little luxury into your lifestyle are laziness.
The baton has been passed to us, and now we celebrate people who are always working but judge people who tend to “rest a lot.“
When someone says they spent the weekend doing nothing but rest, we look at them like they’re not serious about life. But reel out a list of things you did over the weekend, from chores to official work, and you will be regarded like you’ve got your life together.
Being busy is regarded as success.
I almost took a job that would pay me close to nothing because I didn’t want people to think I was enjoying being idle.
What Does Idleness Actually Look Like?
For some people, it is sitting on the couch in front of a TV for most of the day. For some, especially older people, it is being on your phone constantly when chores that didn’t exist can be made up. For others, it is the guilt of taking an afternoon nap.
Somehow, we have normalized the idea that we must be productive every ticking second of the day.
Your mind must be occupied. Think about or work for money. Read a book. Listen to a podcast. Take an online course. Deep clean the house. Channel your energy into something creative.
The internet doesn’t help either.
You open Instagram, and someone is launching a business they started with zero resources. LinkedIn is sending you a notification of another Gen-Z that just got a major promotion in a multinational company.
The same TikTok you’re using is where some people are making passive income.
Doomscrolling is a constant reminder that you really have no excuse. It hits you so hard that it makes you feel irresponsible.
Read Also: A 9-5 And a Side Hustle: Almost Every Nigerian Woman Has More Than One Job
This is also deeply rooted in culture. Many of us grew up hearing words like, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.“
Productivity wasn’t just encouraged. It was tied to morality. Being busy means you would be responsible. Our parents believed that by lazing around, you either find mischief or it finds you. And we still have that mindset, even as adults.
The irony of all this is that our body doesn’t totally agree with us on this, irrespective of age. Burnout has become a casual occurrence for most people.
“I’m running on three hours of sleep.”
“I haven’t taken a leave in three years.”
“I just realized I haven’t eaten all day.”
These statements aren’t unusual anymore. Some workplaces even have this kind of behavior. An employee who works overtime is called committed. The one who chooses to focus on personal life after work hours is “not passionate about their job.”
Then there is the endless chase for success according to our dreams and career paths.
I want to be the best. I want to be “booked and busy.”
Truthfully, hard work deserves respect. This is not an argument against ambition or discipline.
Many people are faced with situations that demand survival. There is a difference between working hard because life demands it and building an identity or a lifestyle around never stopping.
This is probably one of the reasons why many people believe they cannot be idle after retirement or take long sick vacations.
When movement becomes your default setting, stillness starts feeling unfamiliar.
The question isn’t whether hard work is good because we all know it is. The question is, should hard work continue even when exhaustion comes into the picture?
Between chasing dreams, surviving the economy, trying to keep up with our peers, and proving to ourselves, we forget that to constantly be in motion doesn’t necessarily mean a life well lived.
