One of the dilemmas of a modern woman is the decision to have children or not.
“When are you having kids?” is enough to trigger any woman, whether single or married. You start to wonder if you are to laugh it off, deflect, or give your honest response, which will likely lead to being summoned to a family meeting.
The modern woman is sensitive about her struggles. Many women are still trying to decide if they want to have children or not. Women are struggling with secondary infertility, and yet the society is policing when the right time is for them to give their child a younger one. Having children is no longer a default setting. It’s no longer automatic just because you are married.
There are different reasons that usually lead to the doubt that arises on whether to have children or not.
To have children or not
Growing up, the timeline was set for us. Our future entails school and getting good grades, NYSC, a master’s degree if possible, marriage, and children. Actually, most women accept the script, no questions asked. But no one really asks if you want children. Your personal, emotional, or physical struggles don’t matter to the world.
Who actually laid the rules?
Somewhere between building careers and navigating life, women are having clarity on different societal issues, especially the struggles of motherhood. Social media is giving women a voice to share their unique experiences with motherhood, and that is educating a lot of other women. Beautiful stories and traumatic experiences all woven into a hard ball that can smack a “single woman” in the face.
Truly, there may be moments when the presence of a cute toddler tugs at your heart, and you question your choices on whether you want to have children or not. You wonder if you will grow up with regrets. feel lonely, or fall in love with someone who wants kids.
It can be uncomfortable being hounded with questions about your body and life choices. Deciding if you want to have children or not is not just an emotional decision. It’s deeply practical. Children are beautiful, but they are also quite a handful and expensive. School fees, medical bills, and the cost of raising a decent human in the wake of a declining economy can be horrendous.
Read Also: I Want to Go Back to the Era Our Grandmothers Lived In
Meanwhile, let’s not pretend some women don’t face motherhood, carry the bulk of responsibility in the home, and still juggle a full-time career at the same time. So, when a woman says, “I’m not sure I am ready for that,” or “I don’t think I want to go through childbirth,” stop tagging it “selfishness” or “rebellion.”
Does a woman owe her body to anyone?
Societal Pressure
In African culture, not having children is seen as being incomplete or a spiritual problem. People pray for you without permission or any care about your wishes. They diagnose imaginary problems and suggest solutions you didn’t ask for. They do this because they believe motherhood is not an option—it’s an identity. So, choosing to be non-conformist takes courage.
When you weigh all the options and possibilities presented before you, you might seek answers on what to do. Truthfully, there isn’t one. If you take a moment to consider your life now as a single woman and the one you have or will have as a married woman, you will see that the decisions you make on your own will be different in a partnership. Whether you choose to have children or not, the real flex is making that decision from a place of clarity. Not coercion, fear, or pressure.
Understanding that fulfillment comes in different ways is very important. Some women will happily build a home with children; others will allow societal expectations to pressure them into it. Some will build a life of fulfillment in other ways. While, some will change their minds halfway, because it is possible for a woman to struggle in motherhood so badly that she would wish to turn back the hands of time.
This is why you shouldn’t succumb to pressure and do what works for your mental and physical health. Your mind and your body must go on the journey with you.
Own your truth and the life you want. Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about, “Do I want to have children or not?” It’s about the kind of life you want and how brave you are to embrace it.
