When it comes to provocative habits, leave it for Africans. An average African woman will ragebait you effortlessly. Without sugarcoating it, there are certain behaviors that get on our last nerve, especially among the older generation. We laugh it off with “That’s how we are,” but it’s not about how we are but what we’ve allowed.
If we are being honest with ourselves, we have experienced, lived through, and inherited these provocative habits, and they are quietly biting us in the back. However, let’s have a conversation where we hold the mirror up to ourselves, not to shame ourselves but to finally do better.
We Need to Stop These Provocative Habits
Romanticizing Suffering
One of the most provocative habits around us is exalting suffering like it’s a badge of honor. “I suffered before I got here.” “My parents couldn’t afford half the things I provide for you children.” “I didn’t graduate with a first class; how will you graduate with one in this school?”
We have built an identity around pain, hell-bent on passing the baton and arguing about who had it harder. Trauma is not a trophy, though you must first acknowledge it as trauma. Honestly, surviving hardship is admirable, but glorifying it is a mental hazard—if that’s a thing. It will keep you stuck in a circle when you should be moving forward. Furthermore, it will program the next generation to consider pain as a necessary condition for success. We deserve ease. We deserve gentleness without any feeling of guilt. And stop pretending like choosing a better life is “forgetting where you came from.
Mind Your Business—Except We Don’t
Our favorite mantra is “mind your business.” But one thing we don’t do is mind our business. On the list of provocative habits, this behavior ranks with the heavyweights. Africans love other people’s stories. Although I must agree that it stems from the communal culture in Africa, where everyone makes your relationship, career, and health a community project. “When are you getting married?” “You don’t raise children that way.” “What do you do for a living now?” It never ends.
The worst part is we are so invested in other people’s lives that we now police each other. Aunties criticizing their nieces. Friends judging friends. Women bring each other down when they do not fit their narrative. Let’s stop and think. Not everything requires your opinions or comments. Honestly, silence will not kill you. We have to stop ourselves from feeling entitled to other people’s lives.
Respect or Fear?
Most of us were raised to be submissive. We were intimidated into submission in the name of respect. “Don’t talk back.” “Don’t look an elder in the eye.” “Elders are always right.” And the list of provocative habits like these goes on. Consequently, these statements have caused damage to our confidence and self-esteem. And now, we’re struggling to find our voices because we were taught that speaking up is disrespectful.
Let’s correct the mentality. Respect is mutual. It has nothing to do with enduring toxicity or insult because someone is older or above you. You can disagree without being rude and honor others without shrinking yourself. We need to stop confusing fear with respect. They are different, and one is costing us our peace.
Read Also: African Aunties And The Art of Unsolicited Advice
The Marriage Police
“All your mates are married.” “When are you getting married?” If there was an award for persistence, this group would win it every year. What makes you think you have a right to hound every unmarried person with your full chest? These provocative habits have been going on for too long, and funnily, your reaction is always taken with offense, whether you say something or choose silence.
Sadly, these expectations have pushed many women into making hasty decisions and getting involved in bad relationships. All to please people who will not be in the marriage with them. Heck, they will even find some other fault to pick on after the wedding. Let people choose love in their own time.
The Poor Customer Service Habit
You walk into a store, greet someone politely, and they look at you like you interrupted a life-changing moment in their lives. Cold shoulder. Poor communication. Irritation. That’s what you get unprovoked. Small business owners are fond of these provocative habits.
Somehow we have normalized rudeness, sheer indifference, and zero accountability in customer-facing spaces. As much as I hate to say this, it is a different story abroad. Good service is not a Western concept. It’s basic respect. If you want your business to thrive, then drop the attitude. No one should feel awful because they want to patronize you.
Womb Watchers Are a Menace
Everyone is obsessed with the belly of a newly wedded woman. The moment a woman gets married, her stomach suddenly becomes available for public scrutiny. The advice starts to pour in, including subtle compliments about her body that carry an undertone of expectations. “Ah ah, you’re glowing differently o…” “When are we coming to eat naming rice?” The poor woman is expected to smile politely.
If you are guilty of this, you should know that it is intrusive, insensitive, and honestly, none of your business. You don’t know what people are going through, what their struggles are, and what path they have chosen with their lives. A woman’s body is not public property. Let people breathe. Let them live without unsolicited opinions.
Read Also: The Internet Is Trying to Manifest a Temi Otedola Baby and Honestly, It’s Getting Weird
Why is This Important?
This is not about just calling ourselves out. We need to do better. Drop the provocative habits. Choose better habits. Better mindsets. Better ways of relating to each other.
Imagine a society with better customer service, where people mind their business and are not pressured into marriage or motherhood. Imagine a world where softness is not seen as a weakness and we all live life on our own terms. It is possible. We have to be willing to let go of what is holding us back.
