Dear Elohor,
I’m in a relationship with this really great guy. But the problem is, he hardly saves. Any money that comes in, he spends. He earns well but doesn’t have a single investment. He spends all he has without saving a dime. The only things he plans to buy are gadgets, home appliances, and other liabilities. Anytime I try to discuss it or encourage him to invest or acquire assets, he gets defensive and starts saying life is short and other similar things. I love him so much, and he’s so amazing aside from this weakness. He also loves me deeply and spends on me too. Do you know that there are times when he’s broke for weeks, even though he just received his salary not too long ago. He proposed to me last week and I accepted, but my heart is beating. I’m scared. What is your advice?
Elohor (Answer)
My Dear,
You know that saying, love is not enough? It’s true. It’s a beautiful thing that he’s a great guy, and it’s clear you both deeply love each other. But in the face of responsibility, decision-making, and accountability, being a “great guy” won’t pay the bills or solve financial pressures. Love is sweet, but bills are real.
From what you’ve shared, he seems to live with a sense of nowness, no real plan for the future, no habit of saving, and no urgency about investing. On the surface, it may look like a small issue, but in marriage, it is a lot. Money decisions have ended homes, not because there wasn’t love, but because there wasn’t structure or discipline. If he spends recklessly now, that same behavior will follow you both into marriage. And it’s not because he doesn’t earn enough; it’s because he doesn’t yet have the discipline to manage what he has.
Think about this: what happens when children come into the picture? What about school fees, rent, emergencies, or even life-changing opportunities where one wise decision to save could have made a difference? A man who spends as he earns and never saves puts his entire family at risk of constant financial struggle, no matter how well he earns.
Here’s what you can do: have deep, honest conversations with him about this. Let him know how important it is to you. You can even offer to help him start small. For example, ask him to give you part of his paycheck to keep aside as savings. Over time, show him the benefits of having something tangible to fall back on. Then encourage him to make investments, even if it’s little by little. Sometimes people just need help building the habit.
But, sis, and this is important, if he is unwilling to change or even try, then marrying him would be a serious risk. If he dismisses your concerns with “life is short,” take that seriously. Because marriage will test your finances in ways you can’t yet imagine, and you need a partner who takes that seriously. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize you’re suffering with a man who earns well but has nothing to show for it. Love matters, but financial wisdom matters just as much.
Be wise, think long term, and don’t sweep this under the carpet.
Names may be changed to maintain the anonymity of the asker. This column is dedicated to answering the real questions of our readers, with thoughtful responses from our editor, Elohor Ogaga-Edafe. To ask your own question, send an email to editor@elowellmax.com.
