What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?
I don’t know about you, but it’s just another day to me. Every February, the story remains the same. Social media is flooded with roses, curated packages, proposal videos, luxury dinners, and displays of beautiful, romantic gestures. It’s that time of the year where you find yourself saying “God, when?” more often than you should. You melt from other people’s experiences online.
Somewhere between the bouquet of flowers and dinner reservations, many women are quietly adjusting their expectations. You might be strong-willed, but every year, the rave about Valentine’s Day can be overwhelming.
What Valentine’s Day Means to Us
Valentine’s Day is an imported culture. Our mothers and grandmothers did not measure love by bouquets of flowers or dinner reservations. Their love language was different. It was shown through provision, partnership, sacrifice, loyalty, and family building.
Western media have flipped the script. Now, Valentine’s Day has become a performance of love rather than a practice of love, and many African women sit at the crossroads of expectation and reality. Our expectations are shaped by foreign movies, celebrity lifestyles, and influencer “couple goals” in contrast to our reality of economic demands, cultural differences, and relationship experiences. Every year, we fill our minds with imaginations of moments that could be, losing the essence of the celebration.
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An average African has worries over the daily cost of living and family responsibilities to be bothered over romance. Love feels more practical than poetic to us. Why buy expensive chocolates and an oversized teddy bear when there are school fees to be paid?
Funnily, men feel the most pressure during Valentine season. For men, it looks like love comes with a price tag. So, they buy gifts to impress a woman, especially one with expectations. When a woman receives a modest gesture, she may appreciate it but still be quietly disappointed, not because she is ungrateful but because she has been socially conditioned, unknown to her.
To be honest, many of us say, “It’s the thought that counts.” And we mean it. But we all want intentions. We want to be pampered and feel chosen.
Expectations vs. Reality
The problem is not expectation itself. The problem is when expectation becomes comparison.
Expectation: Your crush will ask you out on Valentine’s Day. That must be the reason for the delay, right? You hope it is as cute as those “Will you be my girlfriend?” pictures online.
Reality: Your crush has forgotten about your existence the minute you played hard to get.
Expectation: Your boyfriend is planning a surprise dinner. You hope it’s fine dining.
Reality: Your boyfriend isn’t aware it’s the 14th of February already. Now, you are home alone, sad and lonely because your friends are out with their dates.
Expectation: Your husband is going to spoil you this Valentine’s weekend, as promised.
Reality: The generator developed a fault during the week, and he must pay the repairman.
Expectation: You can’t wait to spend a quiet evening with your husband. It’s one of the few moments you get alone to yourselves.
Reality: One of your kids has a running temperature, and mom guilt won’t make you survive the night away from home.
Expectation: You act unbothered every year, like Valentine’s Day is celebrated by immature adults. You believe it should be celebrated only by married couples. But you lowkey want to experience it too.
Reality: You are at work with no one to exchange gifts with. It’s just another day that smells like traffic and car exhaust fumes.
It is important for both single and married women who have expectations for romantic gestures to stay in tune with reality. Remember, Valentine’s Day started as a day to express love and affection before it became a romantic gesture.
Perhaps it is time to widen your view. Romance is not only in gifts and surprises. It is in consistency, respect, and showing up emotionally. This doesn’t mean we should reject celebration or lower our personal standards. But we must stop the idea that love is only valid when it is expensive, loud, and public. A handwritten note, a home-cooked meal, or even a walk together are moments of intimacy that can be shared with your partner.
See Also: 10 Nigerian Valentine Date Ideas That Don’t Involve Restaurants
Woman to woman, communication gives clarity and saves from disappointment. Be open about what matters to you.
Celebrate Valentine’s Day how you wish. However, remember that when the flowers fade and the chocolate boxes are empty, what remains is how we are treated daily, not annually.
