“Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. However, emotions change, and obsessions fade.”
— Gary Chapman
Whenever you mention the words ‘true love’, eyebrows raise, and you can almost sense an energy shift, accompanied by echoes like ‘She just doesn’t realize that love no longer exists—not in this world.’
Our favorite celebrity couples pop up on our screens, and we get excited for them, imagining when we too will get there. A couple of years later, they’re divorced or separated, cutting ties and hating on each other. What do you feel afterward? Disappointment? Fear? Does this sound familiar?
People are tired of hearing about love—worse still, some are beginning to hate it. But how did we get here? How did we suddenly become love-haters and love-doubters?
When the Tingles Strike
Gary Chapman, in his book Ten Things I Wish I’d Known Before Marriage, describes the tingles as “warm, tingly, bubbly feelings for members of the opposite sex.”
Almost every time, those tingles, bubbles, and chills strike. And sometimes, they strike without notice. You just suddenly discover that—you’re in love. And maybe, again.
There’s something Gary said that mirrors reality perfectly: “Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. However, emotions change, and obsessions fade.”
How did we get to the point where the whole tingly euphoria turns into hate? How did the love we once professed, the moments we once shared, and most of all, the promises we made, become mere smoky reflections of brokenness and regret?
It’s even worse because there’s now a growing collective belief—sadly accepted as fact by many women—“All men are scumbags.”
One Mishap, More Mishaps, Forever Mishaps
No matter how engrossed we are with social media, work, or studies, we still find ourselves talking about boys—or better put, men. Most of these discussions revolve around one thing: mishaps.
You’ve probably talked about how he used you, broke your heart, and dumped you. Of course, no one likes to be dumped. But then you swear he’ll never find a great woman like you again. Now you hate your ex so much that even good men wear the outer painting you’ve created—“They are all the same.”
How long will you continue to focus on all the men-related mishaps you’ve had in your life?
There’s so much focus on these mishaps that we forget the lessons that could shape us into stronger, wiser beings. This negative focus is the foundation of the impression that “all men are scumbags.”
Pick Lessons Instead of Regrets
We regret following trends that made us cut our hair, picking a career path for the name rather than our passion. Many times, we find ourselves regretting. But is it worth it? There’s no need to cry over spilled milk.
In Big Red Flags by Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman, and Meagan McCrary, they noted: “Our man-related mishaps were not only hysterical in hindsight—no matter how terrible they seemed at the moment—they also offered valuable lessons on what not to look for in a man.”
If you keep focusing on your pain, you’ll never be happy. Let me rephrase that: You can’t expect happiness or find anything good in people if you keep reopening wounds that should be healing.
Let’s face the truth. We all want to be loved. Although we try to act tough, put on a front, and secure the right job, what we truly desire is stability—knowing that someone genuinely loves us and that everything will turn out fine.
So, don’t get choked up regretting your choices. When it’s time to move on, move on.
So Men Are All Scumbags, You Say?
This impression is one of many mental constructions created to distract us from the beauty we deserve and will eventually find.
Why are all men scumbags? Because one or two broke your heart? Or because you’ve had countless encounters with unserious playboys who left you hurt? I empathize with you. But accepting this narrative will only leave you worse off.
Take a deep breath and relax your shoulders. Ease your jaw and live in the present. Embrace your femininity and allow your full, alluring self to shine in everything you do.
If you cling to “all men are scumbags,” you’ll lose out. Somewhere, a woman is with a man she’s willing to sacrifice anything for—not because he asked her to, but because he’s worth it. You shouldn’t miss out on this feeling. Never!
It’s Time to Embrace All the Positive Energy
Your vulnerability and soft heart are magnificent—part of what makes you an irresistible woman. There’s no gain in holding on to what turns you into a version of yourself you never wanted.
The world needs you to claim your beauty and share it. Not just the beauty of curly lashes or astonishing facial features—but the beautiful you who refuses to live by standards set from a place of pain and misconception.
Embrace the positive energy and ditch anything coming at your future and positive perception.
Think of it this way: If men are all scumbags, then women are… (fill in the blank space).
